MY TEN MAXIMS FOR BEING A
HAPPIER, HEALTHIER LAWYER

1) I will meditate every day before work.

I will meditate each day to neutralize my compulsive thinking, my obsession to be productive, my frenetic pace, my anxiety about falling behind and my urge to blame and attack anyone who thwarts the accomplishment of my assigned tasks. As a lawyer dealing with depression or substance abuse I prize what meditation gives me – deep inner peace, a warming sense of connection with all life and a lightening of the tension that constricts my feelings. During morning meditation I will breathe slowly and deeply to calm and clear my mind. During meditation I will give thanks for all the blessings in my life. I will use meditation to connect with my heart and to develop compassion for myself and all other people. If a family member, friend or colleague is sick, I will say a healing prayer for him.


2) During my workday I will be mindful and operate in the present moment.

During my workday I will not be ceaselessly busy with tasks. I will not ignore my own needs or feelings in the name of productivity or efficiency. I will not operate mindlessly on automatic pilot. I will notice when my mind is racing because I am worried, frightened, angry, confused or overwhelmed. I will notice when my mind is pre-occupied with the past or future and I have lost contact with the present moment.

When this occurs I will breathe deeply, become calm and allow my racing mind to slow. When I am present I will carefully observe what is happening in a non-judgmental manner and give myself time to respond from a place of inner wisdom and compassion. In this way I will avoid responding impulsively from frustration, anger and blame. I will take responsibility for my actions and will not seek to justify harming others by projecting negative stereotypes or using clichés like “zealous representation.” 

I will ask myself how I am treating others. If I am being brusque, sharp or rude with another, I will forgive myself, breathe deeply and connect with my innate compassion. I will act consciously so as not to use my words to transmit hate or wound others. When I speak with others I will not look past them or away from them. I will breathe first and then look into their eyes. I will hold my gaze softly without hard staring so I am fully connected to them and to myself. If they choose to look away and disconnect, I will not blame myself for attempting to make a real connection with another human being.

3)  I will treasure my health, my body and my uniqueness.

I will eat nourishing foods that maintain my body and brain in the highest state of health. I will play with my kids or grandkids. I will invite more laughter into my life. I will see funny movies, share non-harming jokes and spend time with family and friends who see the lighter, humorous side of life. I will be loving, affectionate and intimate with my spouse or partner. I will get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. I will not drink alcohol to excess. I will not smoke. I will not drink alcohol or take drugs because I am unhappy with myself, my work or my relationships. I will only take drugs for a medical condition.

I will exercise everyday rain or shine, even if all I do is take a walk. I will exercise to stay fit and healthy and feel good, not to have a perfect body. I will not take work home unless I am in trial. When I leave the office, I will leave it behind physically and mentally. In my non-working hours, I will spend time in nature to refresh my body and spirit.

I will not deny my needs to connect with nature, family and friends in order to achieve a perfect win-loss record in my legal work.
Perfection is not attainable. I acknowledge that the pursuit of perfection is a life-denying rather than a life serving existence, because it is based on insecurity, avoidance of shame and the endless pursuit of approval from others.

I acknowledge that perfectionism leads to workaholism, social separation, harsh self-criticism and depression. Excellence draws out my best but leaves me free to be a whole person and to taste the fullness that life has to offer. I will not measure myself by an external standard, and cause myself the constriction and suffering that go with comparisons. I will remain free by celebrating my uniqueness and choosing to contribute to the lives of others by using my unique gifts.  

4)         I will perform at least one act of kindness every day for a stranger.

Kindness brings out the best in me. When I am kind to a stranger I am making my world a warmer, friendlier place – a place that I am glad to live in.

Kindness does not require large gifts of money. A cheerful word or even a smile can work wonders. I will practice kindness and it will transform me. When the driver in traffic in front of me or the elderly shopper on the checkout line of the grocery store ahead of me is moving too slowly for my taste, I will no longer blow up in rage.

No matter how much pressure is on me at the law office, I will always strive to be kind to my family, friends and staff. If I feel myself getting irritated, annoyed or angry, I will excuse myself. I will take some time to breathe and feel what is going on inside me, rather than stew in my own anger until I lose control. If I gain clarity by identifying the angry thought or negative, subconscious belief that is making me irritated, I will defuse the source. If I cannot gain such clarity on the spot, I will remind myself that all persons deserve respectful, dignified treatment (no matter how much I disagree with them or dislike them) and I will take steps to calm myself and act with civility.

As lawyers we develop razor sharp wit which we may be tempted to use to abuse other people who frustrate us. The urgency we feel to meet our goals may blind us to the feelings of others, and lead us to become bullies without realizing it. A moment of verbal abuse can cause irreparable damage to a long term relationship. Let me always strive to uplift and inspire the people around me, and to avoid degrading or depressing them.
   
5)         I will be a joiner not a loner.

I will not be a loner who keeps all the stresses and worries of his law practice to himself. I will spend more time with family and friends. I will make a sincere effort to learn about and be a part of their lives. I will be an active part of a community that offers all of its members social support. I will seek to build relationships with others that involve mutual trust and respect, good rapport and open, honest communication for our mutual benefit. When I have difficult decisions to make, such as ethical decisions at the law office, I will consult my community. When I am grieving a loss I will seek comfort from my community, and when I am needed to give comfort I will give it.

6)         I will live and work with the utmost integrity.

I will not engage in conduct towards others in litigation that I know from an objective standpoint to be unethical, fraudulent, abusive, humiliating, punitive or needlessly harmful even if I am ordered or expected to do so by a boss, supervisor or client. Whenever the impulse to act this way arises I will remind myself of two statements attributed to Jesus in the book of Matthew: “Treat others as you want them to treat you” and “What does it profit a person to gain the whole world if he loses his soul?”  We are all one, not just because people are 99.99% identical genetically and we share a round planet in a state of complete inter-dependence, but because we are all spiritual beings in human form.

When I cheat, mislead, demean or degrade another lawyer, I am doing the same to myself. My perception that the other lawyer has done the same things to me or my client or that he deserves such treatment because he is a "bad" person is no justification. Judging myself to be the good one who is morally superior to opposing counsel prevents mutual understanding. It is a recipe for unending conflict. Holding tight to anger breeds acts of revenge with ever greater levels of fear and stress for all involved.

7)         I will act with civilized professionalism towards opposing counsel.

I will not win my client’s case at any cost, because there are things more precious than winning.  I will refrain from dehumanizing opposing counsel either to win  my client’s case or punish him for vigorously representing his client. I will accept victory in trial with humility and will not defeat opposing counsel in a humiliating manner. Rather than see him as an enemy, I will treat him as a co-equal human being with a different point of view. I will always attempt to work with him in a positive and constructive spirit to resolve our clients’ dispute. I will seek to persuade opposing counsel to enter into agreements that serve both of our clients’ needs rather than use the legal process as a hammer to coerce or manipulate him. I will treat opposing counsel and his client with the same degree of courtesy, politeness, dignity and respect that I want for myself. I will communicate with opposing counsel in a way that promotes peace between us. I will refrain from using rude, insulting, demeaning or degrading words when I communicate with opposing counsel or speak about him to the Court, my client or jurors. 

8)     I will acknowledge when I am depressed or abusing substances and seek appropriate treatment.

If I become alcoholic, drug addicted, depressed or suicidal I will let my family and trusted friends know and I will seek professional help rather than deny my experience and avoid help out of shame or fear of stigma.  I acknowledge that I have a responsibility to seek treatment for these conditions so I do not endanger my life and my career and so I do not cause unintended harms to my family, colleagues and clients. If I become aware of a fellow lawyer who is suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction, depression or suicidal thinking, I will speak to him privately with the intention of helping him breakthrough the denial of his condition, tell his family and most trusted legal associates and immediately seek competent, professional treatment.
 
9)         I will live my life fully and not let it slip away.

I will be mindful that all things dissolve in time and will cherish the time I have. I will be mindful that I will age, sicken and die along with everyone in my family and all of my close friends. I will not waste my life processing piles of legal documents to make more money than I need to be secure and comfortable. I will not waste my resources stockpiling  luxury goods to impress others. I will acknowledge that life is a dead end if I use it to feed my ego by acquiring more stuff or better stuff  than other lawyers have so I win my comparisons with them. 

I will not hide behind work as a way of avoiding relationships that promise love and intimacy, because those relationships could fail and cause me pain. I will not become so deeply involved with the details of my clients’ cases that I forget about my family and friends and fail to nurture my relationships with them.
I will not trade away my happiness to fret over or to avenge petty quarrels with other lawyers. I will not hold grudges that would weigh me down like anchors.
 

Everyday I will make a sincere effort to see, feel and appreciate all that is beautiful in myself, other people and the world. By cultivating gratitude, I will enlarge my heart and increase the happiness and joy I experience from being alive.

10)  My life will be one that is worth living and marked by lasting happiness.

I will not dedicate my legal career to the acquisition of externals like money, perks, social status, reputation or control over others. I will seek to use my education, training, skills and experience to bring about changes in the lives of others that I regard as socially meaningful and beneficial. Although I will make sure to take good care of my  family, I will also strive to make a positive difference in my community. I will not spend my career servicing my own ambition or material wants, but will work to advance broader social goals that meet my definition of a good society.
 
I acknowledge that happiness is a real state of being that I can develop permanently through conscious daily practices rather than a frivolous thing that exists only in fairy tales or something wholly beyond my control that comes and goes by luck. I acknowledge that the happier I am, the more happy my spouse, children, co-workers and other people I come into contact will be. I acknowledge that passively allowing myself to be miserable from the negative aspects of practicing law is harmful to me and only compounds the misery of the people I love and care about.

I will not defer my happiness until after I retire from being a lawyer and I have no more energy or zest left to create happiness.  I will use my time on Earth in this body to make myself happy and joyful. I will not passively depend on others to bring me happiness and joy. It is up to me to discern which activities and relationships give me the greatest pleasure and to schedule my time so I put much more of it into those activities and relationships.

I will not make my happiness dependent on any set of external circumstances. I cannot control what happens outside me, but I can control how I react to my own thoughts, what meaning I give to events and how I respond to events. I will seek what is positive and not dwell on the negative. I will learn and grow from mistakes and disappointments rather than scold myself or live in regret. I will remain free and able to ride out the shocks and traumas of life, because my freedom comes from my positive attitude and not from things that can be taken away like my job title, my social status, my wealth or my possessions.

I will remind myself each day that life is a journey and I will find what I can in that journey to enjoy and appreciate. I will never take my happiness for granted. I will never be boastful or arrogant, because anything I am, have or own today that makes me proud can dissolve in a moment. Each day I will set aside time to appreciate the goodness in my life. Gratitude will enable me to overcome self-absorption. I will express my gratitude through being available to and kind to others.